::ASK FOR LOVE::

Say your prayers/

For the naysayers/

And the haters/

Don’t forget your neighbors/

Who wish for your failures/

Oh you should get your mind off/

Now they say your minds lost/

Watching till your time exhausts/

So tell me how much a rewind costs/

So I can go back and tell y’all to get lost/

Oh you’re such a jerk now, such an asshole/

I’m deep into my work now, cash roll/

You used to be important in a past role/

Now you’re exhausted news, way past old/

You’ll always have a good hand and fold/

Me I’ll play the cards dealt and never hold/

Your Groundhog Day will ruin your soul/

Round and round till you waste your life away/

Guess we can’t all make these changes/

But don’t include me, I make statements/

I won’t include you, I made arrangements/

New world, New life, and I had to rearrange shit/

Just think of me as special operative or secret agent/

But it’s not a secret that these feelings are aging/

I got tired of being pushed around taken advantage of/

While everyone came up empty when I asked for love. 

::HEARTS POUNDING::

So everybody’s perfect/

I guess now it’s all worth it/

Tell me how’s it working/

Oh child you’re still searching/

Heard you were asking/

Heard you were lacking/

Self love and emotional passion/

I’m aggressive yet passive/

Still stuck yet past this/

Absolutely changed…

Yea I bet you can’t imagine/

Turned so cold and savage/

I’m so cold, lost with no salvage/

Now all I care about is my outfits/

Only stick to what now fits/

And I change often get put out quick/

Yea, It’s quiet now, no more loudness/

Excluded you and all who doubt this/

No more keeping me down bitch/

I guess I might see you around bitch/

I don’t talk like this but my mouth switched/

Is it the pain that makes you sound selfish/

Or the experience of what your hell now is/

Maybe you’re confusing all this foulness/

Surrounded by adults acting so childish/

So far, it’s so hard, to walk away, these miles is/

Milestones as high as some mountains/

Turn back to my youth without fountains/

Put me in deep water and told me to now swim/

Gave me heartbreaks and told me to now think/

Gave me heartbreaks but I’m still alive…

Hearts pounding. 

::MEET YOU:: 

Truth is, I can see your evil

Didn’t think it existed in people

But your kiss was toxic 

And your supposed love was lethal

And each innocent passing person 

Is a victim in a line of your sequels

Your soul is see through

Your heart black with no equal 

Do wrong but expect one to need you

And the only regret I have…

Is the day I left my house to meet you.

::BELIEVED IN::

You were always trying to give me a hard time

Guess you’re just a product of a hard life

And all I wanted was truth and you gave me hard lies 

While digging through your soul and getting lost in your hard eyes

I can still see the looks you gave me

Drowning in them and they enslaved me

But your deepest pain isn’t why you hate me

Didn’t realize it then but I’m knowing lately

That…

I am not the reason… What’s the reason

I am not the reason… What’s the reason

Not everything you see should be believed in… Believed in… Believed in

I was trapped in trying to understand you

World turned upside down you’re a handful 

I saw the beauty in it all and you saw from a bad view

Maybe I didn’t take the time to sit there and ask you

I can still see the looks you gave me

Drowning in them and they enslaved me

But your deepest pain isn’t why you hate me

Didn’t realize it then but I’m knowing lately

That…

I am not the reason… What’s the reason

I am not the reason… What’s the reason 

Not everything you see should be believed in… Believed in… Believed in

::NARCISSIST::

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Why did you choose me

Because I exemplified everything that you wanted to be

Because you wanted to identify with everything that I could see

My goodness, my character and love over your pain, fear and jealousy

Tragically your memories of tragedy have damaged your mental reality

Damaged my own to a point but how could you do it so empathically

Run away from chaos with your ways odd as if you were in a way a God

To hurt and destroy is your job and try to rob one of their self esteem

You mean to tell me it was all a dream and you weren’t what you seemed

Again why did you choose me and what was it that you had to internally redeem

You plot, you discover weaknesses, you lie and you cheat and this is your scheme

I guess it’s true what they say… if’s too good to be true, it usually is unless you believe

I can’t understand your ways and I’ve had enough and even with this love I have to leave.

::RATHER BE ALONE::

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It’s hasn’t been long so the thoughts are still alive

But I rather be alone

I found inner peace of mind getting away from your lies

So I rather be alone

I swore I’d never love another for the rest of my life

Guess I rather be alone

I wonder if you ever cared when you heard my cries

Why I rather be alone

I stood by your side and all you ever did was deny

Like I rather be alone

Broken promises that left me hurt and it’s no surprise

Think I rather be alone

This is no dedication to you or reason to even chastise

Sometimes I rather be alone

So I don’t have to question the who, what and the why’s

Look I rather be alone

You did’t let me grow as a person and I got wise

Believe I rather be alone

Didn’t appreciate what you had so this hurt you applied

Reason I rather be alone

You showed your true colors underneath that pretty disguise

Leave I rather be alone

No last kisses or hugs that last forever nor a good bye

No I rather be alone

Just getting over this pain and I’m starting to rise

Although I rather be alone

Hard to compromise love with all that I have seen in my eyes

See I rather be alone

Can’t trust anyone anymore with my heart and I realized

Forever I rather be alone

Leaving this heart with an empty home.

::DOMESTIC VIOLENCE::

Why did you chose to hurt me?

Show me love than call me unworthy

Beat me down emotionally and desert me

Put your hands on me, scream and curse me

Blame, accuse or deny and then try to convert me

And though I stayed because of love I always felt absurdly worried

But I woke up today tired of how this lesson learnt burnt me

My pain never mattered to you and that only concerns me

So I removed myself and my self worth from this unpleasant journey.

::A LOVE GONE WRONG:: (Short Story)

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The gentleman stood over the scene analyzing his most prized possessions packed up neatly. He was a young man by societies credit, good looking,fair skinned and clearly in his early 30’s,with a stable job and two beautiful children, a boy and a girl, from a previous marriage. His thoughts froze him as he engaged himself in memories of good and bad times throughout his life and the lessons he learned. Breaking out of his frozen state he made his way to turn up the volume on the radio when he stumbled and knocked over one the boxes labeled fragile. He caught himself before he could give an angry sigh and glanced at the word on the box and laughed it off sarcastically. Thinking of where he was and where he was going it could only be that symbolic. You see, for James, nothing in life has ever been easy and it seemed everything he touched was either broken already or broken after he had left it behind. This day, and this moment, differed from none of situations that James had found himself in over the years. A betrayal of his fragile but working heart he would claim was the absolute worst sin you could oppose on him. Moving boxes from one side of the room he stopped to gain composure from his emotions raging in him, a feeling he knew all too well. James was an addict, addicted to love, being loved and anything that had to do with love except loving himself. He was dedicated to being a people pleaser, a trait gained undoubtedly from his mother who had passed away a few years back. James found himself hurting more so now than he had ever felt before and the packing and moving of the boxes didn’t help the cause. He stopped again to think if this was the best decision while in the middle of thinking if he had packed everything that belonged to him. He reminded himself that had he forgot or left something behind he would have to retrieve it at some point. That idea to him was to be avoided at all costs, and if something was left behind other than his heart it would be lost forever. Lifting boxes he heard the front door being opened. In stepped his now ex-fiance Liz, short for Elizabeth, with multiple bags in her hands coming home from a long and as a usual frustrating day of work to the apartment they will now once have shared. Elizabeth was a few years younger, a short statured beautifully picturesque and voluptuous brunette, an artist, she was extremely intelligent, very well spoken and yet emotionally cold for a woman. Liz had a child herself, a daughter from a previous relationship that she would easily say she considered a mistake. The relationship between her and her daughter was at best conflicting and to her at times annoying. Her idea of love was for her partner, family and friends to go to the extreme for her needs. One would consider her selfish, callous and narcissistic, maybe even a sociopath, but Liz considered all these things as a just of means to get by. She had been through many traumas in her life and she wasn’t going to back down from anyone not fulfilling her requests for what she desired in life. Her defense was up the moment she walked through the door and spotted James suddenly glancing at her silently. She felt no love for him or remorse though over the past few weeks she would occasionally express her thoughts of love and discontent for breaking up. She was more than ok with the separation than James was by far which left him to be confused. The bags dropped out of her hands as she looked at James as if to wonder where the help would come from when he was gone and then she realized he was already gone and that brought about comfort. James still looking at her thought about the many lies she had instilled in his brain and why he had forgiven her countless times. The games of manipulation she played were deep and by now extended and accelerated by the lost of trust he had for her. It wasn’t long ago when James announced to the people in his life that he would make Liz his wife after a short time together. The first months spent together were blissful, heavenly and even pleasurably intoxicating. James was lead to believe that Liz was his soulmate, or whatever that meant to have finally found his ideal partner for life. Liz presented herself as a mirror image for James in just about everything you could think of. They enjoyed the simplicities of life such as cooking for each other, reading books and spending days out enjoying mother nature. The world never looked better to James as long as he had Liz by his side helping him raise his two children along with her daughter. Everyone was finally happy that James found the woman of his dreams, and for all that met Liz nobody had a doubt that she was his meant to be. But those thoughts and beliefs disappeared after one absurd and strange accusation that made James lose the people that mattered the most in his life. The silence in the room at the moment became more awkward as the seconds on the clock ticked. The memories all shifted inside of James mind from what was a description of being out of heaven to being trapped in a living hell. James couldn’t believe a woman that he loved so much could turn on him so coldly even though he knew Liz had her personal demons. He could never see her projecting her past hurts on what was their happiness. He was wrong. You see, Liz, was and indeed never in love with James, but in love with the idea of what James could provide for her. The constant stability, unreasonable forgiveness and power in control over James that she so desperately craved and needed to survive. James emotionally torn between always doing right and wrong held a deep and moral understanding of what it was to have a clear conscious. Liz didn’t. James knew after the sudden and extreme changes in Liz’s character he had to make an escape from their relationship even though it would hurt him and break his heart. He had run out of choices and options in making things better for them and even finally for himself. Liz got what she wanted, maybe exacting revenge for all the past hurt and trauma in her life by causing the same for James, as he had lost all connections to the world he loved by loving her so much. The point is, things would never get better between them and Liz was focused on making them worse regardless. As Liz made her way past James towards the kitchen, James reached out with his hand gesturing to maybe make one last attempt of contact to find closure or answers. Liz, ignoring the request, bypassed the kitchen and headed straight into the bedroom, closed the door and never opened it again leaving James to continue to move boxes and move on in life… broken hearted again and without clarity.

::JUSTICE FOR LOVE::

I saw you not how I wanted to see you/
I saw anger and hate and nothing between you/
4 rows away/
Not a glance not a word to say/
You are not in my world today/
Beige and black covered your outfit/
Judge was out sick/
But my pain and hurt is as huge as mountains/
To me you are guilty on all counts…
For my broken heart doesn’t doubt this/
Case adjourned…
But the memories still live out this.