::STARS::

This is state of the art/

The state of my art/

From the state of my heart/

Patronage of the art/

Straight from the heart…

I’m not paid for my art/

Just a place for this pain to be discard/

So they can’t say…

I didn’t make it this far/

From the words that’ve been taken apart/

For the souls taken at large/

They say you get what you give….

And that is labeled as charged/

They wonder If it was the pain…

That made you this hard/

Not realizing it was this fate that’s involved/ 

Faith that’s evolved/

They want to replace what you made great with their scars/

With no end in sight and can’t explain this part/

But I shine bright and remain in the stars. 

::EYES ON THE PRIZE::

They tried to defeat me and write me off/

But learning lessons aren’t like a loss/

For every reaction there’s a cause/

For every action no doubt there’s a cost…

I survived through the dark and the noise/

My heart even when broken kept me poised/

Taking chances… 

Falling down and getting up only takes advances/

Me and the hard times are like those hate&love romances/

I don’t live for the questions… 

I only find the answers/

Knowing difficulties are around the corner and won’t vanish/

I’ve done taken damage/

Been taken advantage/

But my roar is savage/

My will is isn’t average/

Still some wonder how I manage/

My character describes what this man is/

Those open hands is… Bad biz/

I can’t part for those not in my faction/

Not even a fraction/

Steady eyes on the prize with no distractions/

Can’t give up till I make it happen/

Haters laughing and doubt with an evil passion/

Reason I keep a smile on my face and keep passing/

On my way to the top of that mountain of my revival/

It’s been a key to my survival/

To push through and fight their denial. 

::BAD EXAMPLE::

You got all these trust issues

You got all these love issues

You don’t love yourself…

You shed tears on misused tissues

A victim of too many I miss you’s

You have abandonment issues

So you abandon all of these issues 

Can’t face problems what’s with you

Couldn’t see real if it lived within you

The consequences were always official

The pain and hurt are always visual

This keeps the heart inside miserable

You want to be loved for your miscues

And when love walks away it’s an unforced ritual

Your actions have become habitual

The world though has it in for you

You want forgiveness and pity from those you fool

Angered when someone doesn’t follow your rules

Shattered brokenhearted and cruel

Vindictive and getting back had you fueled

You want it all back and you want it brand new

But you can’t fix something in the dark that’s unhandled

Lost soul searching for love and can’t accept a sample

Poster child for all that’s wrong with love…. A bad example. 

::I AM::

This pain is not my derivative

Explained only as my spirit is 

That darkness that was visited 

Do you believe that miracles live?

I am…

A walking ghost of my past

And through tears I laughed

My soul is a comedy at that 

And my stage presence requires

More than just this inner burning fire

Seeking a learning of much higher

Spiritual desires to visualize the liars

Do you believe that miracles conspire?

I am…

The silent question mark of the unanswered

The voice of reason for this anger

The heart beat that doesn’t quite pitter patter 

The one who didn’t matter till morning 

Woke up and wiped away all this mourning

Woke up writing away with this brain storming

Do you believe in miracles forming?

I am…

The cries that fall upon deaf ears

Following the shadow of death for years

Looking back on all the good that disappears

Now I dare ask again if you didn’t hear

As I stand here masked in your fears

Do you believe that miracles are near?

I am…

The beautiful pain

I am…

The unexplained 

I am…

All that remains

I am…

Me. 

::IN THE CLOUDS::

To know my story

Hold my hand

Through my defeats and glory

To this pain and struggle

To the moments I loved you…

What are these words to me?

What do I mean?

Acknowledgment

You don’t know yet the obvious 

To listen to what the object is

The problem is

Understanding my problem lives

Deep within my soul

No answers 

Questions of growing old

I know to look back you won’t find

What has been in front of you the whole time

My mind flutters like a birds wings

Flying away from the worst things

Guitar strings playing in my background

I finally understand my dad now

Can after can 

Drowning in his and this stress aloud 

Still I’m alive with my head in the clouds. 

::MY LIFE::

When people assume it’s only because they fear the truth/
I guess my words are my actions…
See all that it’s lead me to/
Clawing tooth and nail in a world where I’m destined to fail/
Dreaming every night on when these dreams a set sail/
We all have our tales I’m just best to describe mine/
I’m sure we all have pain in our lives… Just look at my lines/
Tough times in rough rhymes patterned behind emotional crimes/
I was designed a little different/
I’ve come a long way from being a misfit/
But it’s that childhood I think back to and I miss it/
The innocence is long place away and too far to visit/
Listen… My imperfections make me perfect for me/
But again nothing is perfect no matter how hard you believe/
We… Can be betrayed and deceived by the ones we need/
Truth indeed… Life longs can become for life gone/
I guess we can let bygones be bygones/
But really who is the judge of our right and wrongs/
I’m not trying to write a song but a symphony of life/
And I’m not looking for pity or validation in anyone’s eyes/
Because they wish for your pain through their sympathy of lies/
And I’ve cried a million rain storms sitting alone/
And I’ve been a shoulder for tears to rain on/
I’ve been the consoled and consoler/
I guess if you understand their pain it makes you tougher/
More so to a stranger than a sister or brother/
I take cover in solitude at times to hide from reality/
Because I could never imagine all this sadness and tragedy/
But I learned in hugs they were backstabbing me/
And I held on tighter to them…Don’t be mad at me/
Don’t be sad for me… Be happy for me actually/
Because nobody fake could ever pass for me/
And my past is my past so don’t ask if this love will last in me/
Cause I’m standing tall in the face of blasphemy/
With no hate in my heart so I know I’m living passionately.

::HERE::

35 years and I’m right here
Through the wrongs and the rights here
Through every single word that I write here
Through the darkness and what I might fear
Through the shine of my soul and the light here
Feelings expressed and though they might hear
Had a few backs turned thought they might care
Still believing in my dreams after a few nightmares
So I still put all my hope in my days and my nights there
Still talking to The Lord and I know that Christ’s here
Keeping me strong through the cries here
Keeping me where I belong away from the lies here
Circle getting smaller with people falling out of my sphere
But it’s 35 years and I’m right here and I’ll make it quite clear
No matter what happens good or bad I’m truly alive here.